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Monday, April 30th, 2007
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12:56 pm - Egads!
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I can't believe I remembered my name for this >.< Its the end of semester for my first one back and it was just as hellacious as every other semester I tried coming back. Going to try cutting back on my hours and searching around for a decent therapist. We shall see! :-D Other than that I'm pretty happy with the whole apartment thing, my roomie pisses me off alot, but eh, he's a good guy even if he needs more training. Only real problem we have is that he doesn't take out the trash like he's supposed to, and I abhor his girlfriend. Most of the time I either like or tolerate girlfriends, mostly because they rarely like me, but in this case, I hate the bitch. Not only is she a controlling manipulative tart of a female, but she badmouths me, and tries to get my roomie to ignore me/move out of the apartment/etc. I don't mind being disliked by girlfriends, after so many years you get kinda used to it. But it gets really old *shrug* There are days I wish I actually did get more sleep than I tend to get now, if I sleep for 5 hours its a good night. Last night I got 2 hours of sleep, and really I don't know if the 2 hours was even worth it. Oh well! One more week of school then I'm going to try and start losing weight again. I've stalled and it makes me cranky because I have fat days and skinny days and they never last more than a day!! Ah well. I would assume I'll try and post on here once in awhile since I've remembered it now, but I wouldn't count on it.
current mood:  busy
current music: zoot suit riot
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, September 26th, 2005
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10:20 am
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| Thursday, February 3rd, 2005
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2:15 pm - concerning baking
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Baking and I have a love hate relationship. I love to bake, baking hates me. I thought I was a decent cookie maker, until I tried sugar cookies. Holy hell I can't master them!! too crunchy, too soft, not enough sugar too much flour. UGH Bane of my existence!! Oh well. I guess I'll try again
current mood:  disappointed
current music: DJ Irene
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, January 28th, 2005
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1:56 pm - By fucking god I hate people
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I hate people. By god they make me angry. Stupid people. ARRRRGH. My mother is going into a legal mess with ASF a shady mean company, and now I'm going at it with the gas company. Maybe I can just blow them to bits. Yes, that would be satisfying. Damn people
current mood:  angry
current music: fish tanks
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, January 3rd, 2005
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12:27 am - My theme song
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Man women boy women girl……………
Women without a man is nothing
Without her man is nothing
Women have their faults
Men only have two
Everything they say and everything they do
Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage
They’ve experienced pain
And have bought jewelry
Women have two weapons
Cosmetics and tears
I’m a perfect house keeper
Every time I leave a man I keep his house
No women has ever hated a man
Enough to give him back his diamonds
Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
They don’t have time
Man women boy women girl…………..
Men forget everything
Women remember everything
A girl can wait for the right man to come along
But it doesn’t stop her from having fun
With all the wrong ones in the mean time
The real reason why it’s so difficult to find men
Who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
Is because they all have boyfriends already
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife spends
A successful women is one who can find such a man
Man women boy women girl…………..
Women driver really means
Someone who doesn’t speed, tailgates, swear, make obscene gestures
And has a better driving record than men have
It’s a guy thing really means
Irrational, illogical, stupid and extremely low
Oh don’t fuss I just cut myself, its no big deal
Really means
I’m about to die but before I die
I want you to remember me as a strong proud man
Who never cries?
Man women boy women girl…………..
If you want to learn more about women
Watch sex in the city
If you want to learn more about men
Take a good look at homer Simpson
The difference between light and dark
Is that men can sleep all night with the lights on
current mood:  predatory
current music: lazyboy
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, December 30th, 2004
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12:43 pm
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My father is euthanizing my dog today. It is not yet Cindy's time yet he has decided that it is therefor she will be killed. People say I am crazy because I feel that an animal should be valued as much as any human. Cindy has given her life to us, she has protected us, comforted us, greeted us and given selflesly because that is who she is. I cannot condone euthanasia in any being, it is not right by any means to kill a living creature because someone has deemed it their time. I have lost all respect for joseph czmarko. I cannot feel love or sympathy for someone who is willing to watch a family member, whom we only saw twice a year and was never close to, mess in her house, starve herself and lose all control, yet fight for her to stay in her home til her death. Some say that it is different situations, I see no difference in the context of the situation, just the decision of a hypocritical man who deems himself god.
current mood: infuriated
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| Wednesday, December 15th, 2004
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9:23 pm
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There's a fine fine line
Between a lover and a friend
There's a fine fine line
Between reality and pretend
And you never know
Til you reach the top
If it was worth the uphill climb
There's a fine fine line
Between love
And a waste of time
There's a fine fine line
Between a fairy tale
And a lie
There's a fine fine line
Between "You're wonderful"
And "Goodbye"
I guess if someone
Doesn't love you back
It isn't such a crime
But there's a fine fine line
Between love
And a waste of your time
ANd I don't have the time
To waste on you anymore
I don't think that you
Even know what you're looking for
For my own sanity
I've got to close the door
And walk away
There's a fine fine line
Between together and not
There's a fine fine line
Between what you wanted
And what you got
You gotta go after the
Things you want while
You're still in your prime
There's a fine fine line
Between Love
And a waste of time
current mood:  contemplative
current music: Avenue Q
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, November 5th, 2004
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9:46 am - I hate people
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I hate people. I really do. Especially supid people, who seem to be overrunning St.Louis, or at least SoCo. I'm trying to lose weight because, yes, I'm fat. Incredibly horribly yucky fat. So I got a personal trainer, only the problem is, I've been trying to meet with her all week and no luck. Fuckin stupid people. I try and schedule an appointment, and they give me the wrong person, day, time, whatever. Its fuckin rediculous. I really would love to kill all the stupid people in the world, but then it would be a very lonely place since the general population will be dead. I hate work, I hate life, I hate my body and I hate people. I'm going back to bed, then I can escape until I absolutely HAVE to wake up.
current mood: pissed off
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, September 20th, 2004
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11:55 pm - people
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People are so frustrating. They change with little to no notice and most of the time its not for the better. They drop you, stab you in the back and best of all break your heart. But by golly for whatever reason, you're supposed to need them. And by GOD I keep going back for more punishment. I try and keep my door open and my cell phone on so I can be there as best I can, but god forbid I start associating with someone "undesirable" because I'll get shunned for it. WELL SHAME ON YOU. You lying sons a bitches who wanted me to believe you would be there for me when I needed you, fuck you for trying to get into my pants and telling me it was ok to just be friends, and fuckin die if you want to hurt me now by ignoring me, or only coming to me when you need a favor. I don't need fuckin people. I need myself, and that's enough. At LEAST I know I won't betray myself. At LEAST I know I won't ignore or hurt me. So to everyone else, FUCK YOU
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| Wednesday, August 25th, 2004
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1:26 am
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| How to make a raeshaldis |
Ingredients:
1 part mercy
3 parts arrogance
3 parts empathy |
Method:
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Serve with a slice of curiosity and a pinch of salt. Yum! |
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| Sunday, July 4th, 2004
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3:31 am - everybodys fool
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heartache is so hard to deal with. I dont understand so much and that makes it hurt all the more. I ask and I get met with a wall, I think and I'm told I overanalyze, I act and I'm told I'm being stupid. All this combines to make me hurt more because not only am I aching inside but I'm left in the dark as to why this is happening. I wish he knew how much I loved and cared and wanted to please, not just please but something more than that. I dont want to change who I am or who he is, especially not who he is, he's too much fun. I thought distance and my own interests would help, but it seems to only hurt. I thought I was doing the right thing, I was obviously wrong. Perhaps I should have said what I was doing first, but now I dont know if its too late. I love you, I care for you, I will always love and cherish you, you are my one, but if I made a mistake I need to pay for it and I know.
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| Wednesday, May 26th, 2004
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3:16 pm - friends come and go, since nothing ever stays in my life
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I have no friends, honestly, other than nathan-my wonderful boyfriend-I have no friends. I'm never invited out, unless I happen to find out about something in time, I know nothing about the people that I once called friends, and when I am around said people I feel out of place, like I shouldn't be there, or am not wanted there. I'm really going to concentrate on my studies and make time for nathan, but other than that I just want to get done and out so I can be far away from people. I suppose it will be an uneventful summer.
current mood: irritated
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, March 12th, 2004
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1:03 am - men
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So I hate Brad. Those of you who know me can vouch for how much I loath him for how he fucked me over. I'm finally getting over shit and then he reappears to fuck me over again. My voice was recorded over the phone and they used it on a cd. So glad I knew. Needless to say, if any of those involved (minus ted) read this, contact me asap. I need to smooth things over, or I will have to take legal action.
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| Wednesday, March 10th, 2004
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1:21 pm - Frodo: The Best Rat Ever
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Frodo died on Monday. Needless to say I was extremely sad all day, and even today I can't really talk about him without crying. I know he was getting old, but I didn't expect to have to let go so soon, or so suddenly. Algernon died of cancer, so I was more prepared for that. Frodo developed a respiratory tract infection and died in my hands in the vet's office. I'll never forget those last squeaks, he hadn't squeaked in days. I miss him so much, Sophie misses him too. I cried so hard when Sophie went over to his cage that first night without him and wanted to have him out. I miss having him run around in my bed, or tormenting mom with him. I miss him nibbling on my jewelry and my feet. I miss how he wrapped his paw around my finger. I buried him in my yard and planted a flower for him. It may sound crazy but I'm going to make a stone in memory of him. Hopefully he's in rat heaven with all the yogies he can eat and he's happy. I love you Frodo, and I miss you so much. Thank you for the support that I couldn't find with humans. You are the epitamy of unconditional love.
R.I.P Frodo 3-8-04
current mood: sad
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| Thursday, February 12th, 2004
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12:58 pm
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| Monday, February 2nd, 2004
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2:55 pm - boo
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So I've been thinking alot. More than usual anyway, which you can ask Nathan, is alot. I personally believe thinking is good, but I usually think too much, which gets me into trouble. As it might right now, but whatever. I have a friend whom I've known basically all of my conscious life. We were close as kids, drifted, then became close the first two years in high school. Yet again she has drifted and I feel like I've been replaced by someone we've known for like 6 years, or less, I dunno. Regardless, I feel slighted and I'm finally just venting on it. I honestly feel like giving up on it, and just saying fuck the world, you want to be around me, then make some effort to talk to me. Like, when people are in town, do I know? No, because nobody ever calls me, a week later I find out, oh yea, I was in town last week, sorry. Well if I had known that, I would have called saving you the effort of remembering, but nobody ever even tells me when they are coming in town. Seems like they are avoiding me, no? I know I'm hard to get ahold of, but I reply to messages, and e-mails, as soon as I get the chance. *shrugs* oh well, I'm off to do homework
current mood: aggravated
current music: mother's lessons
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| Friday, January 30th, 2004
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3:42 am
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| Saturday, January 17th, 2004
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10:35 am
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DMV Employees, Riceboys
Circle I Limbo Bill Clinton
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind Militant Vegans, Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow Uday Hussein
Circle IV Rolling Weights Qusay Hussein
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled River Styx Bill Gates
Circle VI Buried for Eternity River Phlegyas Saddam Hussein
Circle VII Burning Sands Creationists
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement Osama bin Laden
Circle IX Frozen in Ice Design your own hell |
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, December 31st, 2003
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9:30 am
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I really hate nathan's past. If there is one thing I could possibly change it would be to get rid of his ex's that seem to always pop up now and then. I've never, minus Brooklyn, been with someone that talks about their past more than Nathan. It drives me nuts. And then last night he's all telling me how his ex wants to move in with him and he still has feelings for her. How comforting. I have to work, hopefully that will take my mind off of things. Hopefully...
current mood: frustrated
current music: All By Myself
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, December 16th, 2003
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3:56 am - Good student here I come!
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I got a 101 on my last human sexuality grade! WOO! That puts me at a 91% without counting attendance or whatever. I'm kinda leaning as to whether I should take the exam, I got A's on 3/4 of the tests, so I should do ok if I do, but it would be 100 questions over the whole year which kinda makes me squeamish. Well, I want to call them tomorrow, so hopefully I can decide by then. I'm hoping I did well in Lit, the other class I'm trying to pass, the other two I kinda said fuck it. Hopefully things will work out, and I can continue being a student!
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raeshaldis's journal
